I chose you
by LizzieCrawley
Summary: A sequence of different moments of the very beginning of Cora and Robert's marriage, until a very special Valentines Day. Part of "Be My (Cobert) Valentine Exchange" (prompt word: discord).
1. Chapter 1

_Chapter I – It could have been a beautiful start_

He felt exhausted, as if suddenly the weight of the world was over his shoulders. The tension of those last days finally showed its claws, falling ruthless over him. He looked around, all the familiar faces, all people's voices, all the laughter, even the sounds of the orchestra around him, everything seemed fuzzy and distant, and all he wanted was to get out of there. Something impossible at that time.

Taking a deep breath, he tried to ease the pressure in his chest. Life came to demand from him, much sooner than he had always believed, that he took over his responsibilities with the state as the heir and future Earl of Grantham. "Well, not exactly in the way I imagined it would be", he thought as he moved slowly among the guests who were talking excitedly, his eyes searching amongst so many faces the only one who might bring him some comfort.

Since his father had told him about their financial situation he knew that it was his responsibility to save Downton. More than that, lives and fates of many people were on his hands. His family, their servants, the villagers, the tenants, they all depended on the decisions he would take. He had a duty to fulfill, and he knew he might not fail them. And despite having always been aware that it was his destiny, he wasn't prepared for the way things had happened.

Someone tapped him friendly on the shoulder to say something, but he was so absorbed in his thoughts that he couldn't hear it, so he simply nodded and smiled, trying to appear more at ease than he really was.

Then, he finally saw her. But even the lovely and warm smile she gave him when their eyes met wasn't enough to pacify his tormented heart. The sight of this beautiful and delicate young woman, who had so bravely dropped everything and everyone she knew to gather her destiny to his, only made his stomach churn, and he forced a grin to disguise his tense jaw.

As much he was used with the sense of duty and responsibility that a man of his position had, the thought of being the solely responsible for the happiness of somebody else suddenly seemed too overwhelming. Besides that, there was the guilt, a constant reminder of the nothing noble motives which led him to marry her, and which relentlessly, wouldn't allow him to enjoy such an important day of his life.

He felt her gaze upon him, burning his skin, making him feel that already almost familiar heat rising from his collar shirt. And when he looked up at her, he tried very hard to show her his best smile, as he struggled to forget, at least for a moment, all his fears and insecurities and just get lost in the beauty of that blue eyes that looked at him so intensely. He owed her this, he thought, remembering the silent promise he had done a few hours ago, when still on the altar, he had promised to give his best to make her happy.

She lowered her lashes and blushed slightly, but her lips remained curled into that lovely smile, which seemed to play on her rosy lips. That almost irresistible smile, which he began to think that existed only for him. He suppressed a sigh, and wondered again how he could fear the future knowing that she would be at his side. He closed his eyes for a moment to put himself together. And then, adjusting his coat's sleeves, he walked toward her slowly, his eyes locked on hers, trying to rediscover his self-confidence in the glow of her eyes, a he watched her face light up with every step he took.

"Lady Downton?" He bowed slightly, his eyes never leaving hers, completely ignoring the people who were talking to her. He could have sworn she had held her breath before gifting him again with that magnificent smile, enough to make his heart almost skip a beat. He gently offered her a hand, "May I have the honor of this dance?"

"I would be delighted", she placed her hand in his softly before adding, "Lord..." And then she tilted her head slightly, a mischievous glint crossing her eyes when she corrected herself in a soft voice, "... Robert."

He couldn't help but smile. A genuine smile this time, when heard his name on her lips, with her adorable accent causing him to struggle with the urge to ask her to repeat it once more. And it was still smiling with pride that he guided her to the middle of the room, while countless pairs of eyes watched them intently. All his confused thoughts were momentarily forgotten by the proximity of her body, the warmth of her hand in his, which even under her gloves could make his skin tingle. As he led her elegantly around the ballroom to the sound of a waltz, the sound of his name on her lips still echoed in his ears like a sweet song.

He glanced at her only to see the look of unveiling worship in her eyes, and he grinned at her. He couldn't allow that any of his inner fears and doubts interfered in this surely a very special day for her. Though it hadn't the same meaning for him, he was fully aware that this was the first day of the rest of their lives, the very first day of this new life he must share with her.

And when she smiled at him again, for one moment, he knew that all he wanted was to be at her side.

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><p>She was nervous. Complete and ridiculously nervous. And even being told that it was normal to be like that on the day of her marriage, she wanted to be able to control herself better and at least be able to enjoy the beautiful reception that her in-laws had prepared for them. Her new family, she thought, casting a wistful glance at her parents who talked quietly near there. Her eyes then looked for him, her husband, the single thought of him able to make her shiver slightly.<p>

She couldn't find him anywhere, which only helped to increase her nervousness. His gaze, his smile was all she needed right now, to reassure her that she had made the right decision. But his smiles had become so rare lately, she thought sadly, her eyes staring at the tips of her shoes on the carpet. Pre-wedding jitters, her mother had told her. But she felt in her heart that there was something more, something terribly wrong.

She could barely recognize in the distant and silent man of the recent days the same charming young man for whom she had fallen in love practically at the very first look. She searched his face in vain for the same warm smile that made her knees weak, for the same bright blue eyes which always stared at her intensely. She had looked forward for any opportunity to be with him, near him, for the gentle touch of his hand on hers, but all of that seemed to have vanished under a thick layer of silence and coldness. And then, just a few days before, she noticed it for the first time, something that wasn't there before, a shadow on his eyes.

Since they first met, she got the habit of observing him, even knowing how inappropriate it may be for a young lady. Still, it was something she just couldn't avoid. Her eyes were constantly drawn to him, even before he expressed his intentions to court her. And it was like that, watching him, that she slowly found out new things about him. The way his brows grew together when he was intensely engaged in a conversation, the small and almost imperceptible smile that curled the corners of his lips when he was teasing someone, and especially, the way his eyes sparkled every time she smiled at him. Until she saw it, that ugly and unexpected shadow in his eyes, darkening, grieving that blue orbs she she had learned to love so quickly.

She didn't know the exact motive. She didn't know him enough to be able to read in his soul what was affecting him this much. But the fear in her heart told her that it had something to do with her and their marriage.

Then she saw him walking slowly among their guests, seeming so lost that she wished she could run toward him to hug him. She smiled at him, her best smile, hoping to see again that sparkle in his eyes. But contrary to what she expected, he seemed distressed, and even the smile he struggled to show her, wasn't enough to disguise the tension in his face.

And it was with fear that she saw when he lowered his eyes, causing her to bite her lower lip in frustration. But she didn't look away from him, her eyes lovingly peering his face for any sign that could make her understand what was going on inside him.

When he finally looked at her, she endeavored to smile at him again, attempting to hide from him all her fears and worries. She needed to be strong for him, to be with him and help him overcome whatever was troubling him. She felt her heart stir inside her chest when he grinned at her, seeming a little more at ease, and held her gaze with such intensity that she felt a heat rising in her cheeks, causing her to look away for a moment to collect herself.

As she lifted her eyes again, she could see him walking toward her, the soft gleam of his eyes and the warm grin on his lips making her heart beat faster as her smile widened with every step he took.

"Lady Downton?", she held her breath when he made a slight bow, his eyes fixed on hers, both completely ignoring the people around them as all the proper conventions didn't make any sense at that moment. She smiled even wider, the sound of her new name yet so alien to her, but sounding more like a sweet song coming from his lips, making her feel within a dream.

Then he reached for her and added, "May I have the honor of this dance?"

"I would be delighted", she held his hand, the warmth of his touch making her shiver. "Lord…", she began to say, but stopped, tilting her head slightly to look into his eyes before corrected herself in a soft voice, "Robert."

And then he finally gave her a smile, the one that always made her heart beat faster. She watched from the corner of her eyes that smile playing on his lips as he led her to the center of the room, fully aware that the eyes of everyone were upon them. But she didn't care or was intimidated by it, her eyes searching for his eagerly as they danced. She felt the warmth of his hand in hers, the skin on her back tingling in the place his palm touched her, as he made them spin elegantly to the sound of a waltz.

He smiled at her once more and she felt she could endure anything to be at his side. She knew that unlike her, he hadn't married her for love, but because of her money. Surprisingly, that didn't hurt her, not only because he had always been so honest with her, but mainly, because she knew he liked her. She could feel it in him, in his soft touch, in his eyes, in his smiles. She felt it right now, in that smile. So, deep in her young and romantic heart, she could only hope that someday, whatever he felt for her now, could become the same love she felt for him.


	2. Chapter 2

**This story was originally thought to fulfill a prompt for Cobert Valentine Day Exchange and to have six chapters. Shamefully I haven't updated it for a long time, but it's never too late to continue. So I decided to place it into the "Bewitched" verse, though this story takes place later in timeline, after Cora and Robert's wedding. I hope you enjoy it.**

**Many, many thanks to Granthamfan for all her support and help and for being the most wonderful beta someone could have.**

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><p><strong><em>II – On my way to your heart<em>**

It was a good surprise when she had accepted his invitation to accompany him to London for a few days, even outside of the Season. He had come to doubt that she would, since lately Cora seemed to prefer to spend more time alone than in his company- a very sad but very true observation.

When, a few days earlier, his father had asked him to go to London to deal with some matters of the estate, Robert had immediately seen in the mandatory trip an opportunity to elevate his young wife's spirit. Maybe a change of air and some time away from Downton and all the pressures and obligations attached to it would free her from the gloom that had befallen her in recent months. But now that they were here, he wasn't sure if it had been the right decision.

All he wished was to see again on her face that lovely smile that had never failed in taking his breath away. Although, deep in his heart, he now feared that he probably would never be the reason behind that smile again. The weight of this realization only served to bring back the guilt that had been plaguing him since their marriage and he shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

Realizing his movement, she turned her eyes away from the window to look at him for the first time since their carriage had set in motion. But there was no sign of any emotion in the quick look she gave him. She hadn't even seen the smile he had coyly ventured, quickly hiding her face again in the shadows and prompting Robert to suppress a sigh. Maybe it had been a big mistake.

The carriage had barely stopped in front of the elegant Mayfair House when Robert quickly jumped out, rushing to help her down. He held his breath for a second when she hesitated to accept his hand, but then he felt her hand firmly holding his to get down and in the next moment coyly sliding into the crook of his arm to be led inside by him.

As they followed the butler to the drawing room, he watched her from the corner of his eye. Ravishingly beautiful in a gown that highlighted the incredible blue of her eyes, she was a vision in shades of green as she seemed to glide elegantly at his side. Her dark curls were piled up high on the top of her head in an intricate hairstyle. For a moment he wished they could be loose on her shoulders, adorning her delicate features and her porcelain skin.

All eyes immediately turned toward them as soon as they entered the room. Robert noticed when she discreetly clenched her fists, a quick and so subtle gesture that it could only be perceived by someone who was used to watching her. A small movement that showed him how nervous she was. He knew she still felt insecure on occasions like this. Then he held her gaze for the brief moment their eyes met trying his best to reassure her.

Fortunately, the small group that had been gathered by Lord and Lady Weymouth that evening was formed of Robert's old acquaintances. Since all of them had attended their wedding a few months before, maybe Cora would feel more at ease than usual among them.

After the usual greetings, she had joined the ladies who were talking near the fireplace while he had walked to the opposite side of the room to join Mr. Richard Thynne, Lord Weymouth's youngest son, who had been at Eton at the same time as him. Fortunately for Robert, another gentleman had joined them and quickly engaged in conversation with Mr. Thynne saving him of embarrassing himself because Robert couldn't pay attention to whatever Thynne was now telling them. The reason was that his eyes, at every moment, searched for her. Although he kept saying to himself that it was only to be sure she was alright, deep inside his mind he knew the truth. Even if he wanted to, he couldn't avert his eyes from her.

If Cora had noticed his persistent gaze upon her, she had disguised it very well because she had remained impassive, talking to Lady Honoria. Judging by the peaceful expression on her face, her initial nervousness had already disappeared and he felt relieved to see that she might possibly be enjoying herself that evening.

For a moment he felt ashamed of his own behavior, but then he saw her lovely face lighting up to the arrival of her best friend, Lady Eloise, and he forgot about everything. Disguising the thrill that the sight of a single smile in his wife's face had caused him, he once again secretly wished that one day he would be able to put a smile like that on her lips again.

He kept his distance and just watched as they chatted happily. The two young ladies had become friends almost instantly when they had met during Cora's first days in England. They hadn't seen each other since their wedding, which made Robert feel slightly guilty. He had always appreciated Cora and Eloise's friendship since he had known Eloise his entire life and had always considered her as one of his closest friends. But things in his marriage hadn't really happened in the way he had thought it would, and that had kept them apart from their friends too, he thought suppressing a sigh.

Robert was startled when he felt a friendly pat on his shoulder. Turning around, he found himself face to face with the confident smile of the last person he wanted to see that evening. The man he used to call his best friend- Viscount Brentwood, George Dashwood himself.

He swallowed hard and forced a smile, shaking the hand his old friend had warmly offered him as he struggled to ignore the uneasiness that tried to overtake him. Robert should be happy to see him again, but the truth was that he was still unable to see George and Cora in the same room. The idea that Cora could have married George instead of him was just one more of his ghosts, although he didn't know how much of it was really true.

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><p>Things only got worse when, as soon as they had all moved to the dining room, he discovered that Cora would sit next to George at the dinner table. That made the entire dinner seem more like a nightmare. He had barely touched his food and spent most of his time observing them while they talked and smiled to each other as if they were pretending he wasn't there. If eating wasn't an option for him, the same couldn't be said about drinking and he had indulged himself in generous amounts of wine, the only thing that could calm his nerves that evening.<p>

It was only when Lady Weymouth finally had announced that the time for the ladies to move to the drawing room had come that Robert felt his body relaxing. At least for a moment. His eyes followed Cora until she had disappeared through the door and he dropped heavily into his chair after the door had been closed.

When later, after cigars and more drinking, the gentleman had joined the ladies in the drawing room, Robert was definitely drunk. He walked toward Cora intending to join her. But George had reached her first and he changed his mind. If George was going to flirt with his wife, he would rather be far away from them. So instead, he passed them to join Lord Percy and Mr. Thynne. For some time he stood there, avoiding drinking and trying to ignore the fact that Cora seemed to be really enjoying herself next to George. But standing there and watching his so delightfully beautiful wife showing that man the smiles that should belong to him was an impossible task.

As soon as he saw an opportunity, he escaped to the balcony to put some distance between them and to soothe his heart. Without mind of the cold air, he crossed his arms behind his back and absent-mindedly raised his eyes to stare at the sky. He knew he had done everything wrong, and yet he didn't know how to fix it. Maybe happiness wasn't something in the cards for him, he thought and let out a heavy sigh.

"So, here is where you have been hiding," her familiar voice made him turn around immediately.

Despite the small smile on Eloise's face, Robert noticed the hint of concern in her tone. He forced a smile and met her halfway when she walked toward him.

"I'm not hiding. I'm just enjoying the night."

"This looks more like a self-punishment to me. You, standing here alone in this cold," she flinched and wrapped her arms around her torso trying to keep herself warm.

"You should go back inside before you freeze," he gave her a faked stern look and she giggled.

"Seriously, Robert. What are you doing here?" Her eyes analyzed his face. "Why aren't you inside, at your gorgeous wife's side?"

Robert silently observed her for a moment, trying to understand the full implications of her question.

"She seems to be perfectly fine without me," he lowered his eyes for a moment. "I don't want to be a spoilsport," he said and saw Eloise roll her eyes.

"Sometimes, Robert, you make me wish to be a man just to be able to punch you!" She sounded like she was infuriated. "Stop acting like an ass and get inside!"

Robert gave her a wry smile and opened his mouth to speak, but she went on.

"All she needs is you by her side," her tone softened. "As much as you need her at yours. And please don't look at me like that, as if I have gone insane. You know perfectly well what I'm talking about."

"I'm not so sure if she still wants me around, Eloise," he finally said, a sad grin on his face.

"Oh, stubborn man!" She slapped him lightly on his shoulder making him flinch. "Will you force me to tell you everything again?" She placed her hand gently on his arm to reassure him before she continued in a softer voice. "Cora loves you, Robert. Never doubt it, my dear friend."

But he had no time to answer her because Cora's lovely face popped around through the frame of the French doors.

"Oh, there you are," her gentle voice made them both turn to face her and she smiled coyly before she added. "Both of you."

Noticing her gaze upon him, Robert felt a heat rising on his cheeks while she walked towards them.

"I was looking for you," she said to him.

"Were you?" He asked her dumbly, his eyes widening slightly in surprise when she nodded her answer.

"You had disappeared for quite some time," she took one more step closer to him. "I was worried. Are you all right?"

"Worried?" He echoed once more, unable to believe that she could have any thoughts of him while she was having so much fun. Then, recomposing himself, he gave her a soft smile before he answered her. "There's no need to worry. I am fine." She raised her brows in disbelief and he was forced to add. "It's just a... headache."

She sustained his gaze for a long moment, for the first time in that entire evening and he wished he was able to read what was written in her eyes.

"Would you like something to drink? To ease your pain?"

He gave her a lopsided smile. Drinking was the last thing on his mind, especially after all he had already drank. Perhaps, reading his thoughts, she added with a small smile tugging the corners of her mouth, "Water maybe?"

"No, thank you," there was a soft grin on his lips when he shortened the distance between them a little more. "I am fine. Really."

"All right." She looked around them before her eyes turned to him once more. "I hadn't noticed that Eloise had already gone."

Robert grinned, noticing his friend's disappearance only now after Cora had told him. "Well, it seems that she can be quite silent when she wants." His little jest was rewarded by her heartily giggle and his heart skipped a beat. But the feeling didn't last because she became serious once more. He he could tell only by the look in her eyes that she was about to leave.

"I don't want to bother you anymore. So, if you'll excuse me, I will go back inside now."

He hastened to close the distance between them and reached for her hand, preventing her from moving away.

"Please stay." Fortunately, his voice was much more steady than the emotions running inside his chest. "I'd like you to stay."

"Would you?" Her voice was barely a whisper and her blue eyes were locked on his, full of uncertainties.

"I would," he repeated, but feeling her cold hand in his, was obliged to change his mind. "Maybe we should get inside. Your hand is so cold! You must be freezing." He watched her blushing, and there was a coy smile on her lips when she lowered her lashes.

"I'm not cold. Only my hands. They usually get cold when-" she hesitated, seeming to be too embarrassed to finish her sentence. But she didn't need to, because he already knew.

A small smile crossed his lips when the memory of a night, quite like this one and not so long ago, popped into his mind. She was nervous. Her hands always got cold when she got nervous.

That evening, a few months ago, he knew she was nervous because she was a young, unmarried lady alone in the company of a man she barely knew. Tonight, he wasn't sure about her reasons.

But then, before any insecurity could plague him, he decided to do the same thing he had done in the past. It was a bold suggestion at that time, but he had taken his chance. Now, while he reached out for both her hands, he only could pray for her answer to be the same.

"I can keep your hands warm, if you allow me to help you," he said, his eyes unable to leave hers.

She looked at him in surprise. After a moment she showed him a soft smile and allowed him to hold both of her hands between his. When she raised her eyes to stare at the sky, he knew that she also remembered that night.

* * *

><p>"I just realized that you never finished explaining to me about the stars," she said, feeling the warmth of his hands on hers and longing for his arms around her.<p>

"I didn't know that you liked stars this much." The sound of his soft chuckle warmed her insides, and she shuddered slightly when he brought one of her hands to his lips.

"_What I really like is the soft sound of your voice telling me anything_," she thought, but instead she just nodded her answer. He grinned and turned her around to give her a better view of the sky. Then finally, he gently encircled her waist and, crossing his arms in front of her, held her hands once more. Slowly, he entwined his fingers with hers, as if unable to abandon his task to keep her hands warm.

She could feel the heat from his body near her back and his breath softly brushed her ear while he spoke, making her body shiver. Gradually, as he pointed to the sky to show her the stars and constellations, she felt his closeness growing, until she finally could lean her back against his chest and his arms fully enveloped her. He stopped talking when she had rested her head on his shoulder and leaned in closer to breathe the soft scent of her hair.

His lips gently brushed her neck and she closed her eyes, losing herself in that so rare moment of intimacy. They stood like that for a long time, in silence, completely forgetting about where they were, as if it were only the two of them under the starry sky. Then he slowly turned her in his embrace and as their eyes met, Cora could recognize the desire that darkened the blue of his. He smiled softly and for a brief moment, she thought she had seen something else in his eyes.

But then, any coherent thought simply abandoned her when he gently pressed his lips against hers. She leaned into him, slowly sliding her hands around his neck and felt his arms closing around her waist, pulling her body against his. His warm lips sought for hers- passionate, demanding, taking her breath away and unceremoniously melting her knees. And she melted even more when saw the glimmering light in his eyes when they finally broke the kiss. And again, that odd feeling that there was something different in his eyes struck her.

A mischievous smile crossed his lips when he whispered against hers. "Do you think it would be too embarrassing if we leave now?"

She let out low chuckle, unable to stop looking into his eyes. "Very," her grin was rewarded with one of his, "But, we can always blame your headache, you know."

"Really?" He raised an eyebrow in amusement, prompting her to giggle.

"No one will doubt it since you had…" She stopped herself and blushed slightly, but Robert gently squeezed her hand in reassurance before he completed her sentence.

"Drank too much?" He smiled when she showed him a coy grin. "Very clever, Lady Downton." He brought one of her hands to his lips to kiss it. "Now, I think it is time to go back inside."

When they had crossed through the balcony doors and went back in the drawing room, Robert ignored the small smile on Eloise's face. This time Cora sought for the safety of the her best friend's company and Robert stood beside her, joining them in conversation. They didn't stay long and as soon as propriety allowed, they gave their excuses to their hosts and bade them good night.

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><p>All the kisses, teasing, feather-light caresses and touches they had exchanged during the short trip to Grantham House had left him in such a state of arousal that Robert felt his whole body burning.<p>

But as soon as they had crossed the threshold, she slipped from his grasp to climb up the stairs with a wicked smile on her lips, teasing him on her way up. His reflexes were still affected by all the drinking and he had to climb the steps two at once to catch up with her.

He held her firmly by her waist and pinned her against the wall, pressing his body against hers before once more diving into the intoxicating taste of her lips. Her hands roamed over his chest, searching for his shirt buttons, and the touch of her fingers was enough to make his skin burn even over the fabric of his shirt. His lips slid to the softness of her neck, exploring it, tasting it, teasing her and the soft sounds that escaped from her lips only intensified his burning desire for her.

Now he wanted more. He needed all of her. Lifting her dress, he ignored the sound of the fabric tearing under his hands as they slid up her thighs until he could find her core. She shuddered and let out a low moan when his fingers touched the skin beneath her underwear, further increasing the tightness inside his trousers. His entire body ached for her. He longed to taste her wetness and to make her shiver with pleasure.

But then it struck him hard and he stepped back, moving away from her, breathless and mortified. The look of confusion on her face made him blush and he lowered his eyes trying to recompose himself. How had he allowed himself to act like that? How had he allowed his desire for her to command his actions? All the alcohol he had drunk must have confused his senses. He couldn't afford to act like this with her. He didn't want to scare her. He needed to control himself as he always did. He must be respectful and...

"Robert?" Her soft voice interrupted his reverie and made him look at her once more. Her clueless eyes demanded an explanation and he didn't even know where to start.

"I am so sorry," he finally managed to say and ran his fingers through his curls to avoid eye contact. "I- I didn't," he swallowed hard, trying to ignore his still short breath and trembling hands, "I didn't want to be disrespectful. I shouldn't-"

"Robert?" Closing the distance between them, she had put a forefinger on his lips to silence him and her closeness made it hard to breath again. "Shut up," she said in a rough whisper, surprising him.

But her words hadn't caught him as off guard the as the teasing of her forefinger slowly tracing the outline of his lower lip. He opened his mouth to speak, but she didn't allow him. "Shut up," she said once more and pulled him by his lapels pressing her body against his. "Just kiss me. In the most disrespectful way you can."

He hadn't time to say a word because in the next second her lips were pressing against his, her demanding tongue asking for passage as her hands roamed under his waist line, kicking his attempt to keep his self-control into the fire. He answered her kiss deepening it, once more surrendering to the pleasures of her lips and the alluring of her taste. Then, lifting her in his arms, he carried her to her bedroom and closed the door with his foot.

There was a mischievous smile on her lips and a promise of unspeakable pleasures in her eyes when he had gently placed her on her bed. He knew that that night would be different from all the others they had already shared before, and he really wanted to make it memorable- for both of them. And, at least for that night, he was sure he would again be the reason of her smiles.


End file.
